Friday, December 12, 2008

Finding Meaning in Crowds

Like many of you, we really envisioned our wedding as an intimate, low-key affair. But this is before you start making a guest list, or more importantly, before your parents start making a guest list. I think maybe this is when you realize what a big deal it is to get married (though I suspect there will be more whoa-this-is-a-big-honking-deal moments). Because clearly your dad is not inviting 300 people just to watch you prance around in a big white dress. We are happy that our parents are so excited for us and so proud of our decision to choose each other that they want to include the entire world in their joy. But of course, there are limits and trying to determine those limits is daunting.

I feel very schizophrenic about guest lists. I don't mind a big party (I am the daughter of Cambodian socialites), but the thought of having to make small talk with so many people sort of nauseates me. I want our wedding to include the communities that have nurtured our parents and us, but I don't want our relationship and our personalities to get lost in the necessary coordination of so many guests. I also don't want to bankrupt my parents (inexplicably they seem unconcerned about this possibility).

I think a lot of people just make those tough cuts. Sorry, lady-who-gave-birth-to-my-favorite-cousin, you're out. But we sort of feel like this is a moment for sharing, not for playing team captain and choosing members for your team. So I want to have my cake and eat it too.

I know a large guest list dominates your budget. So basically I'm looking for affordable ways to add detail here and there that will speak to our commitment to each other, to the profundity of our decision to love each other for the rest of our lives, and to the fact that we are deeply deeply goofy people.

Is this possible? You tell me.
(all images are mine, from a fundraiser for the Cambodian Community Day organization that my parents run. I told you that they're socialites, right?)

1 comment:

Meredith said...

The good news is that you don't have to make small talk. In fact, you'll have 150 people you want to talk to and no time to have a good conversation with any of them.

I don't think this is a bad thing. I loved my wedding, but I can't wait to go to someone else's wedding where I can just party and not have to worry about being the center of attention or worrying about how it will all come out.