Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself.
(I am large. I contain multitudes.)
- Walt Whitman, from "Song of Myself"
I had myself a good cry this morning. They're not kidding when they say that you run the whole gauntlet of emotions during wedding planning. What exactly is it that makes me care so much about something that I think I don't really care about? Maybe it comes down to being a people-pleaser. I don't really care much about what my wedding is like, but I have this fear that I will let people down. So then I over-care: Kleinfeld's having a MLK Day sample sale? I gotta get over there. Look, I can buy a bottle cutter and make vases out of empty wine bottles! Maybe I should learn how to sew to make my own wedding dress. Or maybe I should buy this dress on sale at Jcrew! Have I been nice enough to my bridesmaids? Wait, don't I want to be a liberated bride?
Argh. This is really too much, and I know it's mostly me that is the source of this pressure. If I don't want to do these things, then I shouldn't do them. Why am I blogging about it and why am I reading other blogs about it and why am I constantly looking at Martha Stewart? It's absurd.
Weddings are absurd.
It's okay that I like pretty and probably expensive things. It's okay that I don't think a wedding is worth all the money and time that's spent on it. It's okay that I'm not a graphic designer or a DIY craft maven. It's okay that this wedding will not be exactly as we envision.
I can't buy the perfect wedding. I can't please everyone. I can't piss off everyone. No decisions we make will ruin our wedding.
God grant me the serenity . . .
(though notice how I haven't said that I will give up wedding blogs. I know this doesn't end here)